I own almost an entire new wardrobe as compared to what I had about a few months ago that consists of very few pairs of jeans and band shirts. This time last year and the year before that I was very much into looking like a “scene” kid [ I really do despise that term but other than emo, which I despise more, I am unable to find another word to describe the look] and I constantly wore skinny jeans, band shirts, shirts and labels that resembled band merch or were worn by bands, hoodies and gym boots. I’ll admit while it was something I enjoyed at the time, I never truly felt comfortable in what I was wearing and not only because skinny jeans tend to be excessively tight. As you all probably know, I have a very petite and delicate frame and because band shirts are rarely fitted and are generally unisex, they tended to be a little overwhelming on me. I also have very delicate facial features [I feel incredibly conceited describing myself like this haha] which I feel never truly suited the look I was trying to achieve. You’re probably wondering: “if she was so insecure with the clothes she was wearing, then why the hell did she keep wearing them?”
It almost felt obligatory to dress the way I did [and occasionally still do] and to an extent, it made me feel like I fit in. Although I didn’t fit in anywhere in the real world, I fit in here on the internet and at concerts. At first I felt unique though still part of this scene where people appreciated the same things I did and people understood me. It was during this phase [which ran from about when I was 14 up until I was around 16] that I felt incredibly alone and lost and I started to doubt myself far more than I thought possible. I moved from Cairns to Brisbane in the middle of the phase which only made matter worse because the only people I felt I could count on and talk to lived so far away that my only form of contact with them was through the internet [which is why I now have an internet addiction].
Anyway, after a while I became even more wrapped up in this world and the “scene”. I started wearing Glamour Kills and bright skinny jeans and basically stopped wearing dresses [which was very unlike me considering I wore dresses CONSTANTLY growing up] and rarely wore skirts. Then I had what was somewhat like an epiphany; I no longer felt unique and couldn’t stand looking at myself. I hated that I looked like every single other teenager that listened to the same genre of music. Like we had a dress code because we listened to pop-punk music. I was stuck in a horrible rut. No one ever complimented my outfits and even though I don’t really care what people think of me, it was disappointing that no one ever provided me with a little self-esteem boost. So I started changing things up a little. I ditched the gym boots for ballet flats and heels [in all honesty, I never stopped loving heels or shoes in general] and occasionally wore skirts again. A red tartan Audrey Hepburn-esque coat I bought in January last year was a major factor in my change of fashion preference. I wore it over a high-waisted satin skirt/white blouse ensemble with heels to a drama excursion last year and earned a lot of compliments and it made me feel good about myself. Shortly after, I re-discovered my love for all things vintage and Victorian and started wearing dresses again. Throughout this however, I continued wearing skinny jeans and band shirts. Why? Well not only did I own very little else in the way of clothing, but it made me feel safe. I was scared to let go of the “scene”.
Eventually, after a long, drawn-out process - I finally let go and it felt like I’d let go of a huge burden. I stopped trying to fit in and tried to be myself instead. I wore things that I liked and felt comfortable in. I started to wear clothes that actually fit me properly and flattered my figure. They feel a lot more natural than any other style I’ve ever worn and I’m extremely happy that I’ve finally found my place in the fashion world, no matter how conceited that sounds. I actually dress like a girl again and I think my childhood self would be extremely proud [there is a possibility that I may have in fact wanted to be a princess/fashion designer/ballerina during the majority of my childhood]. Although I am unable to part with my hoodie collection [despite the fact that cardis are quickly starting to take their place in my wardrobe]. I still wear skinny jeans on occasion [no more bright pink or purple though] and just in case you were wondering, I am still a huge supporter of Liner Note Kids. Unlike Glamour Kills and similar labels, Charli’s clothes aren’t restricted to a particular fashion. They’re like the height of band merch-like class. I still wear Liner Note Kids with my new wardrobe, in fact, I was wearing one of Charli’s shirts with a cardi and a pencil skirt today. Oh, and if you don’t know who Charli is or what Liner Note Kids is, seriously check out this blog and her personal one here. You won’t regret it.
So now that I’ve finished my ridiculous self-rant and a little shameless promotion, I think I’ve covered everything I wanted to speak about. Thank you to anyone who actually took the time to read this. I love you[r face/s].
-Kirsty.XO.
